Category: humor

I Hate The Supermarket

I was there yesterday. I will be there tomorrow.

This wasn’t home and no other parents were doing it. That’s what makes it “embarrassing.”

I spent years in the babyhood trenches. I have the scars, words, and formula stains to prove it.

I guess the house ate them.

I don’t like that Justin Bieber.

It was the day that she nearly made me laugh so hard that coffee came out of my nose

My pockets overflow with Hershey wrappers. They tumble out along the floor like product placement in a Hansel and Gretel movie.

You never realize how much of your life isn’t kid friendly until you find yourself tasked with being friendly to kids.

“Hop up on the scale for me buddy.” That’s when the gates of hell open.

It’s like living in an Adam Sandler movie.