Tag: growing up

How (Not) To Embarrass Your Ten Year Old

This wasn’t home and no other parents were doing it. That’s what makes it “embarrassing.”

I spent years in the babyhood trenches. I have the scars, words, and formula stains to prove it.

It’s everyone’s chance to remember, even if you don’t want to.

I don’t like that Justin Bieber.

We all rushed to get here. When we did, it was electric bills and frozen waffles.

I pictured her handing me paper stacks of glue and popsicle sticks until she was in her 50s.

One day, maybe he’ll be able to tell me, “Yo. Put me down.”

I pictured Ashton Kutcher running into her room and yelling, “We got you, Daddy! Ha! Your friend, God, set you up!”

I thought to myself, “Well, that was different. I guess that’s who I am now.”

A voice in my head whispered, “Why did you do that? What do you know about babies?”