One of my main goals in writing about my son is to show the world the realities of raising a non-verbal child with autism. Lucas’s challenges may be unique when compared to another 12-year-old. However, the positives that come with a loving boy like him are immeasurable.

Writing about my son’s great qualities comes easily to me. The special ways in which autism affects his personality create a person unlike any other I’ve ever known. Sure, his obstacles are unique, but so are his wonderful characteristics. But beyond sharing these traits, my mission is to help others see Lucas through my eyes – the eyes of a father learning and teaching love and understanding every day.

Forgive me for sounding like a broken record, but it’s a tune I’ve spun a million times and will spin a million times more. My boy is sweet. He’s kind and caring. There’s no ego or selfishness. We’ve never dealt with a situation where he was cruel or arrogant. There’s a true sense of genuine love in his heart and his soul is purer than I ever knew a person’s soul could be.

I know this because I’m his dad and he has spent more time with me than he has with most other people. I’ve learned to see his best behaviors by understanding his actions and knowing how to make him feel safe that I will care for him in the ways he needs.

This understanding didn’t come overnight. It was a journey, marked by patience, observation, and learning Lucas’s unique ways of expressing himself. This journey parallels the one I embark on with every new person who enters Lucas’s life, guiding them through the same process of discovery.

Again, that seems simple to me. Lucas is easy like a Sunday morning. As long as he knows he’s understood, he will rarely lash out or melt down. The negative things that those outside our walls may associate with autism don’t play out often when you know how to interact with him.

Add to that my desire to help parents of young children, on the brink of a diagnosis, hopefully, find solace in our stories. I want those parents to know that any early years spent overanalyzing delays and second-guessing guilt may be dark, but they pass. The light comes out. Things get better.

Do they get better by simply finding out their child doesn’t have autism? No. My child has autism. Do they get better by finding out their child might not have significant delays or “disabilities” from autism? No. My child has significant delays from autism. That’s not what makes things get better.

They get better because life moves on and this little person, who isn’t displaying any characteristics outside of the things they don’t do, grows into the person they will become. They develop a personality and you know who they are.

Love conquers all and even when things don’t turn out great, they do. Finding happiness in a family isn’t about people being everything you’re told they’re supposed to be. Happiness is about people being people who make you happy. My boy makes me happy.

That’s the mantra here. I want everyone reading to know that. Those who come into my life are aware of how wonderful Lucas is. I tell them all about it. Lucas has me as his personal hype man.

One of the most ironic parts of telling people about Lucas is that I forget how overrated words can be. Sure, I can shout his best traits from the rooftops. Yet, for others to see them, they need to know him. For them to know him, it takes an initial introduction.

People enter our lives and, when they do, Lucas is a part of that. The people who care about me want to love him too. The interest a new person in my life expresses in my son fills my heart with so much joy. It tells you a lot about who they are. It tells you a lot about why they’re here.

There’s a catch to this, though, and it’s one that any parent to a child like him needs to remember. Not only am I his guide to the world, but I’m the world’s guide to him.

Regardless of how much they know about autism or parenting, these newcomers into our circle don’t know him specifically yet. It might be easy for me to run up to my son and tickle his feet, sing a silly song, or give him a giant kiss. After all, he’s my son. We do this stuff constantly.

However, it’s my responsibility to open those doors for the people we love. Bringing someone new into our orbit feels easy because the people who want to be here are eager to be a part of his life. After all, they’re our people for a reason.

Will they figure it out on their own? Sure. They can copy the things I do or grow to understand him over time. But why leave it to that? I want the people I love to also love Lucas and I want Lucas to love the people I love. I can build that bridge of understanding between them…as long as I remember there needs to be a bridge built.

Finding my son’s happiness is like second nature for me, but I’ve had nearly 13 years to figure it out. It’s easy to forget that it’s not so clear to others right from the start. If a special person is willing to show him the love and affection to make that effort, it’s my job to help them know what makes him smile.

Lucas deserves love. I do too. We all do. Understanding my son comes naturally to me now, but I haven’t forgotten the initial struggle to find our way through the darkness. Lighting the path for those eager to join our journey is the least I can do to welcome them into our world.