Having a non-verbal son with autism puts an ironic twist on the fact that I spend so much time thinking about wording when writing about him. I say he “has autism”. To some he’s autistic. Does it mean the same thing? Pretty much, but still, the debate rages on. Of course, we do the same thing with Autism Awareness Month…or is it Acceptance Month?

Awareness or acceptance? I guess I never really thought about what any of that meant before having Lucas. Autism affects my boy in its own way. It is the cause behind a lot of his challenges and delays in life skills. Given the nature of these obstacles, I could have a very negative view of autism, if I saw it from only the worst angles.

Those angles exist and, throughout my day, I have many unspoken and unshared moments that would cause a person to disavow the place that autism holds in their lives.

Challenges like these are the cornerstone of Autism Awareness. They’re put first and those around us are asked to pay attention to them. Being “aware” of autism is, as I see it, a request for the world to notice that day-to-day activities may be different for certain people. Seeing how autism affected my son, I felt that autism awareness helped allow others to understand his challenges.

When I went to LA for Jubilee Media’s panel on Autism, I learned a lot about how autism affects people outside my home. It struck me in ways that I didn’t expect and really helped me to understand how Autism Awareness, while good for parents like me to show the world that my son exists, can be somewhat offensive for those just trying to live within society.

The answer to that has always been Autism Acceptance. It’s a more inclusive idea that tells the world to allow people to be who they are while working within a community. I heard stories that day about struggles for work and love in a society that, while aware of autism, hadn’t yet accepted that it was something they should or could include around them.

Lucas won’t deal with those kinds of challenges. His lot in life looks a bit different and I’m more concerned about what assistance he will need in adulthood rather than employment modifications. That said, it didn’t make that struggle for others any less painful to learn about.

Just because their road differs from Lucas’s doesn’t mean that I can’t understand it. I want the best for everyone and I wanted the best for the people I met that day. Something doesn’t have to affect you directly in order to have empathy.

For Lucas, a discussion on his inclusion in social settings is more about people saying hello to him he’s standing right next to me – something that a surprising number of people don’t do. It’s about asking him to be part of the group picture at the neighborhood Halloween thing. It’s about seeing him as a person.

Truth? It hurts to write that. Imagine having someone you love in your life and needing to ask that others see them as people. It’s a downer in many ways, but it doesn’t make me feel down about Lucas. It makes me feel down for the society that I’m sending him to. I hate to think of him a world full of self-centered people who don’t know beauty when it’s right in their face.

And that’s where Autism Appreciation comes into play.

Autism Appreciation diverges from the path laid by Awareness and Acceptance. It’s not just about opening doors; it’s about celebrating the joy, creativity, and pure love that people on the spectrum bring into our lives. It’s recognizing that autism isn’t just a challenge to be managed but a facet of personality to be celebrated.

This wasn’t something that I found online at the time, but just my natural response when asked what this blog was about. Autism Appreciation is the basis of everything I write here and it’s the one common A.A. call to action that bonds all those on the spectrum together.

Autism Appreciation asks that people see the beautiful aspects of my son that exist because of his autism. It’s not about simply acknowledging his existence through awareness or begrudgingly accepting him into your world. In fact, out of the three, it’s the only one that has nothing to do with other people’s views of him. It just has to do with him and who he is.

Autism affects everyone differently but there seems to be something authentic about the way it affects my son. For Lucas, it means a lack of ego. He doesn’t bully or act out in ways a 13-year-old might. There’s no hidden agenda for Lucas. He hugs you because he wants to, not because he wants something. He shows his emotions when he feels them and feels them deeper than anyone I know. He’s the realest person I’ve ever met.

I’ve run into a slew of people in my life and Lucas is his own person among a sea of photocopies. He has a way about him that I wish everyone could emulate. For every false story or manipulative act that someone bumbles on their way out of the door, I think how my son would never do those things and I love him even more for it.

There’s nothing wrong with autism’s place in our life today and the fear I had when I first heard that word didn’t fully match the effect it had on my son. That’s why I write these. I want people who don’t know Lucas to know him. I want them to see the sweet things he does and understand that, even in the face of challenges, he is more lovable than anyone I’ve ever known.

For some, it’s hard to get past his challenges to see the beauty. That’s funny because I’m one of the main people handling those challenges with him and I still see the beauty first. So, if you can’t look past his missing life skills to see why he’s special, maybe it says more about you than him.

This is April. Wear your puzzle pieces. Light it up blue. Rock the Kasbah. Whatever you need to do, do it. Then take a good look at who people like my son truly are. Don’t see them through a prism that shines directly onto your own life. See them as individuals with full personalities and grasp how autism makes those personalities truly wonderful.

And if you can’t do that, get aware, accept them, and move on. But I’m telling you, you’re missing out on a truly glorious piece of the human experience. You’ve never met someone like Lucas and, if he lets you, you’re lucky.

Happy Autism Appreciation Month.