The unique qualities of my non-verbal son are the most amazing aspects of his personality. I watch him, with wonder, and try to take in how he’s seeing the world.
That first time I played with toys his way, instead of correcting him on how “other kids play,” I felt like I had taken a huge step. Not only had I become aware of his autism, but now I had accepted it.
We talk about autism awareness and acceptance. It’s an important topic, but for parents to a boy like mine, it goes in two directions.
For me, it was never an issue becoming aware of Lucas’s autism. I knew very early on that he saw things through a different lens. Sweet and loving, as he is today, but also doing his own thing, at an age when “doing your own thing” isn’t encouraged.
Acceptance wasn’t even that tough. He’s my son and I love him. No matter what he does or who he becomes, I’ll always be there. That was never a question.
Today, it’s just about understanding. I want to know why he does the things he does, help him to voice his needs, and show him how to become independent. That’s our whole thing. I became aware and accepted him a long time ago. I was never the issue.
The issue was whether Lucas would ever become aware or accept me.
Truth? There were long periods of time that I didn’t think he would. There were so many uncertainties ahead. Every single motion or action he made swayed me on and off my darkest fears.
At his youngest, getting him to lift his head when someone would loudly enter a room was rare. Even getting him to focus on me at all could be a challenge and I didn’t know how long that would go on for.
Eventually, it worked out. Today, Lucas is aware of me and everyone else. You can tell from the pictures that he’s one of the most loving people you’ll ever know. Awareness, for the most part, isn’t an issue.
Don’t get me wrong, my son can often become so fixated on his YouTube playlist that he can be tough to get a glance from. That’s mostly the whole being 14 years old thing.
It was his acceptance that was the real issue. Would my son ever accept and participate in our lives?
I didn’t want to drag him screaming into family pictures or wedge him into choruses of Happy Birthday that he might cry through. Will there be a day that he can just do it, even if it’s in short spurts?
This was the hardest part of trying to gain his acceptance. In all cases, explaining “why” to Lucas was next to impossible, especially back then. I couldn’t communicate to him with certainty where we were going or what was happening. He just got dragged everywhere.
How could I tell my non-verbal three-year-old that we’re going to Chuck E Cheese? I couldn’t. So he would cry when we parked and begin a slow battle into the building. I kid you not. It was like a You Can’t Do That On Television opposite sketch.
Feet dug in, he had both hands tugging me back toward the car, as his anguished screams filled the air. With his sister cheerfully walking along, we’d have to battle him every step of the way, until the final step inside the doors.
Then, he’d immediately jump for joy. We’d all get hugs and I’d breathlessly tell him, “You’re killing me, kid.”
It didn’t matter if it was bowling or mini-golf, my son fought me on every entrance to every building for years. The transitions between one location and another were his biggest hurdle. To me, there was no way this would ever correct itself.
It didn’t happen magically, although it felt like that. It was similar to how I got him to stop hating haircuts. He just began to see that, in most cases, I always had his back. Even on the outings that weren’t fun, there were snacks and tablets and everything he might need to be comfortable.
Maturity plays a role in this too, and as he’s gotten older, he seems to understand so much more every day. I’m so proud of him and how much he’s grown, especially when I think back to those worries about whether he’d ever truly know us.
Accepting Lucas’s world and taking part in it was the easy part. Lucas’s world is fun. There’s loud kids music, Muppets, and tons of Pirate’s Booty. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that for a while?
My world can be… eh, a little boring at times. The things I ask him to take part in are posed pictures, school functions for his sister, and “come say hi to” so-and-so. Yet, he does it and we love him for it. We also know he loves us too.
READ NEXT:
The Checklist Said “No” – But My Son With Autism Said “Watch Me”
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