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My 14-year-old son is non-verbal and has autism. It affects his personality in many ways and makes Lucas the person he is today.

How that statement comes across depends on the person reading it. For some, it’s a sad story that comes with a sad face and praying hands emoji. They’ll commend me for my “strength” as a parent and lament about how hard it must be to raise him.

Is it? Sure. Raising kids is hard in general and Lucas, despite being a teenager, still requires assistance across a wide range of tasks. We’re still doing hand-over-hand for tooth-brushing and shoe tying. He’s learning more every day, but there’s still more to learn.

However, also unlike a typical teenager, Lucas’s autism removes him from situations that affect other kids his age. He doesn’t deal with social issues or stress over school work. He doesn’t tease or register when others are teasing him. He truly dances to the beat of his own drum in ways that no one else can fathom.

It makes his entire persona unique and beautiful. No one can bring out your smile during times of sadness like Lucas can. He has an amazing way of reminding you what’s truly important and showing you that, even when things get you down, there’s no reason you can’t cheer your way through it.

lucas kiss

I know this because he does it to me constantly. If I sit on the couch with a frown while Lucas is around, playing his YouTube videos, he steps right up. He’ll take me by the hand, clap in my face, and shower me with kisses. No matter where my mind is roaming, he has me laughing along within seconds.

There is no one like Lucas and autism is a big part of the reason why. It stops him from worrying about a lot of the nonsense that most of us let affect our day. Nothing affects Lucas’s day. He might get upset in the moment, but he’s back on track with a smile on his face in no time.

For that reason, I struggle with calling his autism a “disability.” It doesn’t offend me, and I can see how some would see it that way. Some things are harder for him to learn and understand. The term “disability,” though, implies that he will be unable to learn them – and that’s something I refuse to accept.

Is it probable that Lucas will never master some of the life skills he still struggles with? Maybe. Is it possible he will? Absolutely. That’s where the disconnect is for me.

That opening statement can also be read from the opposite point of view. Some will see those words and tell you that autism is Lucas’s “super power.”

And I don’t agree with that either.

Keep in mind, I love how autism affects my son’s personality. I talk a great deal about autism appreciation and how we need to focus more on the wonderful ways it affects him. Lucas has no ego or arrogance. He doesn’t steal or deceive. His emotions are real and vibrant. No one is more genuine than my son.

For a boy that everyone said would struggle to understand basic concepts and phrases, he’s mastered the understanding of the one thing that most of us never truly get. He understands himself.

Loving Lucas for Who He Is, Not Who I Feared He’d Be

Lucas knows what he wants. He understands his needs and desires. Sure, he doesn’t focus on long-term goals or dream jobs. But in the moment, day to day, my boy knows what will bring him happiness. Whether it’s a bag of cookies, an iPad connected to wifi, or a still requires assistance across a wide range of tasks. he aims to satisfy his desires.

There doesn’t appear to be any deep internal monologues over it either. Lucas doesn’t ponder whether he really wants something or not. I will watch as he suddenly jumps up from his bean bag chair and lead me to the pantry because something inside of him screamed out, “Pirate Booty!” So he goes to find it. That’s pretty amazing.

It’s not, however, a “superpower.”

Let me be clear. I don’t think people who refer to it as such are doing anything wrong or malicious. I just think it’s an attempt to take a nuanced point of view on autism and put a phrase on it that everyone will understand. That part makes sense.

My son isn’t a superhero to me, just like he’s not disabled to me. He’s my son. He’s perfect and he’s real. Calling his autism a disability implies he’s not perfect. Calling him a superhero implies he’s not real.

Lucas is real. He’s the realest person you’ll ever meet. My goal is always to make sure people see that.

If there’s one thing I hope people take from Autism Awareness Day, it’s that every child is different—and every child deserves to be seen, not simplified.

If you really want to understand autism, start by understanding a boy like Lucas—no labels, no filters. Just the real, beautiful truth.