James Guttman’s new book –
“Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation”
is now available for preorder! Click here to get your copy from Amazon now.

I know one of the reasons why people outside our home look sympathetically at me for having a non-verbal son with autism. Actually, I know many reasons why.

And none of them are valid.

For starters, people assume we have no love. After all, that’s what they saw in that old Tom Cruise movie. He tried to hug his brother and was met with a blood-curdling scream. If you ever wanted a film that sours you on the idea of trying to hug someone on the spectrum, this is it. Way to rain on my parade, man.

Well, my son loves hugs and, from those I’ve spoken to, even children with autism who don’t relish physical touch will allow expressions of love. Just because someone doesn’t invite your arms to wrap around them doesn’t mean you can’t show them affection. Just because someone doesn’t use verbal language doesn’t mean you can’t teach them “I love you.”

That’s what I did. Lucas knows that the wrapping of his own arms around himself means “love.” He knows to tap his chest when I ask who his dad loves. Does he “get” the depth of what love means? Probably not. Does he know it’s something special that his father repeats to him constantly? Absolutely.

Another reason is that they believe that a lack of speech, eye contact, or life skills limits overall communication. Again, that’s not entirely true. It just takes a while to discover the best way to communicate.

After all, I just told you that I taught my non-verbal son “love.” It’s just one of many deeper concepts I once dreamed were unteachable. Although it took a while to get there, he gets it now and it’s completely possible.

One of the reasons people might not understand this is because they don’t think long-term when imagining themselves in my shoes. They see Lucas, somewhat in his own world, and can’t imagine how hard it must be to interact with him.

Well, most times they’re seeing him deep in his iPad during a picture-taking ceremony for his sister or waiting for food. They believe that this boy, in this moment, is all he ever is.

The truth is that Lucas and I spend a great amount of time together. Over the course of 14 years, it’s inevitable that he and I would discover ways to communicate. Even if we weren’t proactive in that pursuit, we’d have to luck into some common bonds here and there.

However, we have been proactive in terms of communication. While some more profound discussions might be out of the picture, I can often tell what Lucas wants just by being near him. Add that to his “talker” tablet, gestures, receptive language, and PECs pictures, and you have a pretty solid way of “speaking” to one another.

All that being said, there’s one way in which outsiders wrongly view my son’s place in my life. It’s one that I often don’t even think about.

They believe that having a non-verbal child doesn’t represent me, as his father, to the outside world.

I get that mentality and can see why people might mistakenly see it that way. Those who know me, even on a smaller scale, know certain things about me.

Whether it’s playing my Xbox or watching pro wrestling, I have a set of things I enjoy doing. As a dad, one might think I’d want my son to do those things with me. And, yeah, I do.

I also, however, recognize that there’s much more to who I am as a person than that.

My daughter, three years Lucas’s senior, doesn’t play video games and noped out of WWE when she was nine. I haven’t watched WrestleMania with any of my kids since the pandemic (and the lockdown had a lot to do with that).

Maybe it’s me. I never saw my kids that way. Olivia didn’t need to score the winning basket or get straight A’s. All of her many achievements were her own. I don’t need the successes of my kids to be the successes of my own.

No. I’m not the games I play, the entertainment I watch, or the writing I do. The person I am today and aspire to be tomorrow goes much further below the surface.

They’re all personality traits that my non-verbal son illustrated perfectly.

I’ve said it a million times already and will say it a million times more. My son is the realest and most pure individual I have ever encountered. He knows what he wants and doesn’t apologize for his own needs. There’s no part of him that is mean, cruel, or would ever bully someone. I not only think he doesn’t know how, but I’m not sure he’d even know what it is if he sees it.

Lucas embodies everything I want to be, and I’m proud to send him into the world as a reflection of the values I hold on to. I want people to know my son for the person he is because he has one of the most beautiful souls you will ever know.

My non-verbal child is, at his core, the type of person I aspire to be. Let the world see him and know that. There’s no better representation of what I want people to see in me than he is.

Autism Awareness Starts With Seeing My Son, Not Labeling Him

PREORDER JAMES GUTTMAN’S NEW BOOK –
Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation
https://amzn.to/3FmBWov