James Guttman’s new book –
“Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation”
is now available for preorder! Click here to get your copy from Amazon now.

My writing focuses on raising my son, Lucas. The achievements he makes and the victories he accomplishes as a non-verbal 14-year-old boy with autism are astounding.

So many of these successes go beyond what I once believed possible. Those early days, when I wondered if he knew who I was or understood the world around him, feel like a distant memory now. But they were very real. Every step since then has been a giant leap in many respects.

At every turn, I credit Lucas. While I’ve helped teach him through repetition, patience, and understanding, he truly deserves the spotlight. He amazes me.

No one works harder than my boy. Watching him focus on a task and discover that he can do it himself fills me with joy. He usually picks it up fairly quickly and, with time, masters it. I’m proud every single day.

But there are some successes that I, and other special needs parents, can claim too. They’re the quiet victories of grit and faith. Specifically, the faith we have in ourselves to let go of control, allow our children to try, and prepare to clean up the mess if things go less than great.

Sound confusing? Maybe a recent example can help.

Until last year, Lucas always sat in the back of the car. Since the day we brought him home from the hospital, his spot was diagonal from the driver’s seat.

But that was 14 years ago.

It may sound like a small thing, but I wanted him to learn to sit in the front seat. It just felt like something the needed to do. So we worked on it.

Now, he rides calmly beside me. Rolling down the street with my little homie riding shotgun brings a smile to my face. It feels natural.

But let’s go back to the first time and all the possible disasters that went through my head.

What if he grabs the steering wheel while we’re moving? What if he wants me to change his iPad video and grabs my face, which he’s done before? What if he has a meltdown? Hits the dashboard? Opens the door? Crosses his leg and shifts the Jeep into manual?

What if everything?

This is usually where I’d say none of those things happened and I was silly to worry.

But I can’t.

That’s why the first time, we just drove across a parking lot. The next time, we went around the block. Now, we take longer drives around the neighborhood. It was a slow progression.

In those early drives, there were a couple of moments when he tried to hand me his iPad. I had to sternly remind him, “no, no, no,” reinforcing the rules and the right way to ride. That’s how we got here – by trusting the process.

In other words, for Lucas to reach his goals, I had to trust myself to let him try.

That lesson applies to so many situations.

Last year, I wrote about a birthday party he attended. I stood across the room while he politely ate his food. He didn’t grab from anyone else’s plate or knock over his own. He was a perfect little gentleman.

Why was I so overwhelmed with pride?

Because there was always a very real possibility that he could have gone full Tasmanian Devil and cannonballed into the cake.

He didn’t. But I didn’t know that for sure.

If I’m being honest, I had a strong feeling he wouldn’t. That confidence came from the time we’d spent practicing meals together at home. I knew what he was capable of, and I trusted him. That takes a lot.

But if it had gone sideways? Would he have ruined the party?

No. He wouldn’t, because I would have sprung into action. It would’ve fallen on me.

And that’s another part of the quiet victory. Whether it’s trusting him to ride beside me or to eat calmly while surrounded by cupcakes and chaos, I know I have to be ready to step in if he can’t do it.

When he was little, that was easy. I could scoop him up and leave. As he grew, that stopped being an option. I had to trust that I’d know what to do in those “what if” moments.

And now, thanks to all the practice and real-world experience, I do.

This is one of the toughest hurdles for parents like me. It’s also why so many kids like Lucas end up staying home most of the time. If I had spent his early years rearranging my schedule to avoid taking him places, he wouldn’t be prepared for what he can do now. And I wouldn’t be ready to help when needed.

Make no mistake. Lucas’s victories are his own. Every one of them is the result of his hard work and determination.

But giving him the chance to show the world what he can do is something I’m proud of myself for.

Autism Awareness Starts With Seeing My Son, Not Labeling Him

PREORDER JAMES GUTTMAN’S NEW BOOK –
Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation
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