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The reason I write about raising a non-verbal child with autism is to share our experience with the world. My goal is to disprove negative assumptions, showcase Lucas in a realistic light, and show others that even when things don’t turn out as you expect, they can still be perfect.

Along with his sister, my son is one of the two most important people in my life. Since 2017, I have written original things about him twice a week. Between that and the Friday podcasts, I haven’t run out of things to talk about.

One would think that all this writing about autism appreciation and how we communicate is enough to give the world a clear view of who he is. In many cases, the feedback I get and the families that can relate tell me we’re doing the right thing.

That said, there are some people who will simply never get it.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise. After all, raising a kid with severe autism sounds anything but positive on the surface. The scare tactics that new parents receive is enough to frighten even the most accepting people away.

I felt that way when Lucas was first diagnosed. The sky was falling. The world was ending. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. No gold at the end of the rainbow. Ashes to ashes. We were all falling down.

Today, I know that’s not true. The stories I tell now reflect that realization. While the blog has always been positive, it’s become more so in recent years. The older he gets and the more comfortable he is with who he is, the more I’ve learned to appreciate his personality.

Even the things that seem to be more work for me, I love. I love them because they’re part of who my son is and I love him with all my heart.

Again, that said, some people will simply never get it…and I know what you’re thinking. Who cares what people think?

You’re right. Strangers, trolls, and outsiders who don’t understand Lucas are just that. They don’t need to be around, so they’re not. I hope my writing can sway them, but I’m not overly bothered if it doesn’t. We tell our stories for those coming into this with wide eyes and an open heart.

The problem? What if those who don’t “get it” aren’t just trolls or strangers? What if it’s friends? What if they’re members of his own family?

I struggled a lot with that early on. There were questions from relatives that were difficult to answer. I tried to help them understand and every time they asked, I could tell if they were coming from a place of kindness and caring. Nine times out of ten, they were.

Still, there were and still are people who should know him, yet don’t. It’s not from lack of trying on my part or anything that Lucas has done. It’s them. It’s something they’re missing inside. It’s something that’s broken.

Sadly, I learned a long time ago to write it off. It’s their loss. The wonderful relationship I get to have with Lucas is unlike any I have with anyone else. For those who welcome him into their lives, they get to have the same thing.

Some are too self-centered to understand that. They don’t want to make the effort to learn different communication techniques or expand their horizons when it comes to social interactions. To them, the things he does are confusing or mischievous. They hold him to standards that even neurotypical children can’t reach. In some cases, they ignore him altogether.

There was a time when it used to anger me. Now, I know that it just tells me who people are. It speaks volumes without saying a word. Let’s hear it for non-verbal communication.

Unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that I, as his father, have learned to accept. There are people who, no matter how much I explain or write, will never appreciate my son as I do. They can’t get past their own perception to embrace something that requires seeing someone else’s point of view.

For people like that, it permeates every aspect of their lives. You can see it in all they do. The unhappiest people I know are the ones who seem to understand him the least.

They’re the ones missing out. This boy is amazing and when you earn his love, you’ve really accomplished something. Does having a relationship with him require some new thinking on your part? Yes. Is he worth the effort? Absolutely. Does everyone have that capability? I guess not.

In those situations, I simply demonstrate by example. They see me with him from across the living room. They watch as he’s calm and behaved by my side. In most cases, he’s an angel when I’m there.

It’s because he knows I understand him and the things he wants, he will eventually get. There’s no reason to plunge his hand into a hot platter of chicken if he knows he’ll be given his own plate by the father who always makes sure he’s fed.

If you’re nodding along right now, reading this at the start of barbecue season, know that I get you, just as I get Lucas. You can’t change everyone’s perception and, even when putting our best foot forward, there are those who will search for the darkness in our light. That’s not about us. It’s about them.

Strangers, friends, and family – it doesn’t matter. Knowing a boy like mine is a privilege some people aren’t capable of having. It’s what makes the relationship I get to share with him so special.