Our new series “Hi Toon! I’m Dad” is now live each Friday.
Scroll down to see the newest episode and follow on
TikTok, YouTube, Instagram – all @HiJamesGuttman

LISTEN TO THE FREE PREVIEW BELOW ON SPOTIFY:

I get it.

There was a time before I had a child with special needs, so I totally get it.

The word special used to strike me as an overreach, like it was exaggerating the positives in what I believed to be a difficult situation. I assumed people only used it to make the best of a hard reality. Special needs, special education, special services – it all felt like a forced narrative. After all, special usually meant good. I couldn’t imagine the good.

Even when my son first started showing signs of delay, I thought the term was pandering. I’d see smiling families in brochures and assume it was all a performance. How could anyone truly feel joy on a road that I’d always heard was full of heartbreak?

Well, my non-verbal son with autism is 14 years old now. He’s never spoken a word. He still struggles with many life skills and needs support to bridge the gaps in his understanding. The “what ifs” from his early years never really materialized. The things I was told to “wait and see” about are still being waited on.

And yet, he is so special.

I don’t mean that in the delusional sense. I’m not kidding myself or others. Those who think that I say it to sell the book or the blog don’t understand the target audience. I would get ten times the reactions if these posts were about our dire struggles. I know this. I don’t write about them as often because, well, they don’t dominate my life that often.

The things that do dominate my life? Lucas’s personality and all the wonderful parts of it that come with being non-verbal with autism.

Ego has always been the main one for me. Lucas doesn’t have an ego. If he trips and falls, he gets up. He doesn’t look to see who saw or do the silly little hop-skip-dance that I do when losing balance on the sidewalk. He doesn’t care who saw and, in many cases, doesn’t even register that it’s something he should care about.

Lucas doesn’t care what you think. He’s not self-conscious of his clothes, weight, or haircut. His accomplishments aren’t done for applause. He does what he does and when I’m proud of something he does, he appeases me with a high-five. Most times, I’m not sure he even understands why I’m so overjoyed about it. To Lucas, it’s like, “Yeah. I did it. It’s done. Let’s go do something else.”

Contrast that with me, you, and all the people we know. We care. We cue up our resumes for the moment that someone asks what we do for a living. We’re ready with reference points and accomplishments. You might not do the things you do for recognition, but the expectation of recognition plays a part in it.

It plays no part in my son’s accomplishments. He does it because he does it. There’s no pride or conceit. His intentions are pure across the board.

My son isn’t mean. Sure, he might get overwhelmed in times of frustration. In his life, he’s had outbursts that lead to tantrums or acting out. In every case, I can point to the thing that caused it. Whether he feels unheard, unsafe, or unhappy, Lucas only gets upset when, well, he’s upset.

He doesn’t pick on people or “bully” them. In fact, he’s the most welcoming person I know. Strangers in our home for the first time are always surprised by how he will come over with a tap on the shoulder and a smile. His excitement over his favorite YouTube videos is shared with anyone in the vicinity. No one is excluded from his world. Everyone is accepted. I don’t know how he does it.

I mean it too. His outlook on the world is without fear (something we’ve had to work on through the years). That goes for people too. People around him are all treated with respect and kindness.

One of my favorite stories was when I first taught Lucas to wave “hi.” He would walk up to you, lean in, and give you the open/closed hand wave. It was adorable.

While out for a walk in the outdoor shopping mall near our house, Lucas spotted a guy sitting on the bench across from the movie theater. The man looked like Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. There was nothing particularly off-putting about him, but also nothing inviting either.

Without a second thought, my son marched right up to him, tapped him on the chest, and leaned in. He then gave him the open/closed hello. The guy was stunned.

Uh…hi.

Lucas smiled and continued to walk. Me? I was so proud of him in that moment. This was the type of kid I wanted him to be.

There are so many other things I can list here about the autism appreciation I feel for him. He never fakes his emotions. He doesn’t sneak or hide things. He’s loving. He’s caring. He’s everything you could ever want from a person.

And that’s why he’s special.

I’m not pretending or propping up someone despite their shortcomings. I’m telling you that even with those shortcomings, his positives are so abundant that they overpower the rest. He’s not a great kid despite autism. Lucas is a great kid, in many ways, because of it.

As the kids say, if you know, you know. Well, if you know Lucas, you know what makes him truly special. If you don’t know Lucas, then it’s my job to tell you. I’ve never met a person like him before.

If that’s not special, nothing is.

The Cause Of My Son’s Autism

Looking For a Speaker?
Book James Guttman Here.

@hijamesguttman
🤫 💙Hi World I’m Dad – on Amazon, Spotify, Audible, & Everywhere #autism #nonverbalautism #autismacceptance #autismawareness #autismappreciation
♬ original sound – James Guttman