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Lucas trusts me.

It’s such a simple sentence, but it means so much more than people realize. The fact that I can say that with certainty is something I’m proud of on a level that’s hard to explain.

The reason it blows me away is that Lucas is non-verbal with what many would term “severe” autism. Deeper concepts and subtle nuances are lost on my little guy. He doesn’t delve beneath the surface or try to understand motivations. My son simply lives in this world and goes with the flow.

The things he loves, he loves. Lucas knows that his iPad has his videos and his toy box has his picture books. He knows where the food is and where his device is when he wants to ask. These understandings are major for us. When he was tiny, I never thought he’d understand anything. I worried that, at 14 years old, he’d still be in his own world without any sense of belonging.

Today, he is 14 and I thank God every day for the ways my boy has grown. He may not have words to speak or tie his shoes on his own, but he can comprehend so much more than I or anyone in our life thought he ever would. It’s been amazing.

When I say Lucas doesn’t deal with deeper concepts, I’m not talking about emotions or feelings. My guy knows love. From hand gestures to hugs, I’ve done all I can to show him that I love him. He’s done the same. Over the past few months, he’s started doing something that shows me every day how much he loves me.

First thing in the morning, when I walk into his room to get him up for school, he comes up to me, wraps his arms around my neck, and hugs me for minutes.

It’s my favorite moment of the day, and I can’t begin to explain how happy it makes me.

I’ve written before about how he’s learned to be part of the family and love those in his life openly. It was all about demonstrating. Kids need to see and experience love. That’s important, and those of us who didn’t tend to grow up with a skewed view of what it looks like. As a parent, it’s my job to show my kids what a truly loving home feels like.

When you have a non-verbal kid like Lucas, you have to do this tenfold. So I did.

My son can’t ask for clarification. He can’t raise a hand and say, “Hey, if you love me, why were you mad at me for taking the cookies you said no to?” He can’t question my decisions or the times he sees I’m not smiling. He has to simply observe and understand.

All of that is built on one thing: trust.

Rarely do I say something so firmly about kids with autism. I recognize that all kids are different, and what’s good for my son might not be good for yours. I get that. My advice always comes with a grain of salt and self-awareness.

But I’ll say this: the most important thing for my child with autism, and nearly every other child, is trust.

Non-sensory meltdowns were always about trust with Lucas. Pull up to a random store or venue, and you’d wind up dragging him from the car into the building. He’d drop to the ground in a busy parking lot, daring cars to flatten his face as gravel wedged into his palms. Anytime we went somewhere new, I had to worry about him wiping out on the walk in.

That was about trust. My son didn’t know where we were going, and even though I’d talk non-stop about it for the entire ride there, he’d never fully get it. The place we were going was a mystery, and he had no way of knowing what was inside.

It took a while for him to realize that I’m not Jigsaw leading him to a Saw-like horror game. After seeing that his dad only brought him to places that were safe or fun, he finally understood: “Oh, I can trust this guy.”

Can we take a minute to appreciate how amazing that is? I live in the same world he does, and I have a million words to validate whether someone should be trusted or not. And even then, I struggle with it.

People have failed me and fooled me throughout my life, and as I get older, I have to remind myself not to shut down when welcoming someone new. Trust isn’t easy to give out, and once you’ve been burned a time or two, it shakes the foundation.

Lucas trusts me sight unseen. He doesn’t need to question me or ask for assurances and promises. He just knows I have his back.

That may be my proudest achievement. When a kid like him realizes you have his best interests at heart, it means you do. He doesn’t hear words. He sees actions. My actions toward him are all noble. My intent behind everything I do is to make him happy.

It tells me I’m doing something right and something real. I’m not explaining him that I’m a great dad and then phoning it in. I’m simply doing the work, showing him who I am, and seeing the end result.

He makes me feel like a good person because I know he wouldn’t love or trust me otherwise. Lucas can’t be worked, sweet-talked, or conned. Through his eyes, it’s about who you are and what you do.

That’s why I’m so proud. I know I’m a great dad because Lucas knows it. He knows it because he sees it. There’s no greater acknowledgment than that.

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