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I stopped getting angry 13 years ago.

OK, that’s not entirely true. I should say that I changed how I expressed my anger and how I let it affect me 13 years ago.

Having a quintuple bypass out of nowhere can rock your perception of the world. The day I came home from the hospital, I knew that, above all else, stress was the one thing I needed to change.

It was just in time, too. My son, then three months shy of two years old, was demonstrating substantial delays across the board. From walking to talking to basic understanding, Lucas was becoming a daily concern.

And here I was with a new lease on life and a need to tone down my worries.

To say this new approach clashed with reality would be an understatement. It was like learning you can’t run anymore just as someone releases a lion into your living room.

That’s why it’s important for me to be honest with you about my feelings regarding my son’s autism. I want you to know the truth because I know there are people out there dealing with the same issues I was then and still deal with now.

I didn’t accept autism as the answer, and by the time I had that heart attack, I was engulfed with concern. Every missed milestone was another thing I blamed myself for. I had failed my boy, and each time I couldn’t help him felt like another failure.

Someone recently told me that my thoughts on autism as a blessing were just something younger parents say to make themselves feel good. That it’s some sort of flowery thought to ease the pain of having a child with pronounced disabilities.

This person couldn’t be more wrong. When I was still a young parent, the last thing I ever told myself was that this was a blessing.

I don’t kid myself. I never have. There’s no point. If I tell you that I appreciate my son’s autism, it’s not to feel good or make it through another hellacious day. I tell you that because I do. I see the beauty in the middle of all the work that I have to do.

Back then though, no way. Autism felt like a curse. I thought it would take down my son, ruin my family, and impact the rest of my life.

Now, if I were the type of person who kidded myself about blessings, I’d tell you that none of that happened. I’d say my son soared to the moon. My family made it through unscathed. My life is on the same path it was on before Lucas was born.

None of that is true.

My son hasn’t hit many of the milestones we had hoped for. A lot of the things I once believed he needed to do, he hasn’t. Lucas still struggles with basic understanding of some concepts and, to this day, has not purposely said a single word.

My family is different today than it was back then. In the last decade, I’ve gone through a divorce and built a new life from the ground up. I live in a new place. I have a new circle. I’ve grown in ways I never expected.

My life’s trajectory… well, this blog shows you that it too has changed.

I tell you all that because I don’t want anyone to confuse the reality. Life is different, and fears that shook me in 2012 have all become my norms in 2025. In many cases, the worst-case scenarios came true.

But there are a few things I need to point out. They are things that might have gone unnoticed if I hadn’t changed the way I thought after my bypass.

Lucas may not have hit the milestones I thought he needed as a child, but that just showed me he never needed to. The relationship I have with my son transcends words and comprehension. The place he holds in my life is special because we love each other for who we are. I know his affection is genuine, and the love he has for me comes from a real place.

He doesn’t have the capability to fake a smile or con me with sweet talk. Lucas is real on a level that most of us aren’t. If he loves you, he loves you. He loves me. And that makes me feel more special than I ever thought possible. Without having a nonverbal child with autism, I never would have known a love like that.

My marriage ended, but that didn’t have much to do with Lucas. Sure, there were challenges that you need to be aligned with your partner on. That’s true. But those misalignments come up in all kinds of situations. Sick relatives, financial issues, and the setbacks that plague any family over time all test the durability of bonds. If a marriage falters under the weight of raising a special needs child, chances are it might falter under other heavy life challenges too.

As for my life’s trajectory, I feel better about who I am and what I’ve accomplished than I ever did before having my son. Both of my kids fill me with a sense of purpose, and sharing these stories with you beats anything I ever wrote about before, brother.

So yes, autism has become a blessing for me. I’m not working you. I’m being honest.

Would life be easier without having to care for my son? Sure. Would I trade him for anything else? Never.

At the end of the day, you can focus on the work and the challenges or you can focus on the love and inspiration. Whichever one you focus on dictates the life you lead. Could I play the poor-me card for sympathetic eyes? Sure. Do I? No.

That’s because it would be dishonest. Once you see the beauty in things, it’s hard to focus on anything else. Whether you believe it’s God, the universe, or pure fate, something decided that this boy was perfect for me.

And boy were they right. Having a child like mine is a blessing, and the more I got to know him, the more I believed it.

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