My Baby Has a Mustache… And I’m Still Saying “Potty”

My baby has a mustache.

Keep in mind, it’s not a giant Hulk Hogan walrus mustache, but it’s a mustache nonetheless. Through the years, I’ve shaved it off, but as he’s gotten older, it’s becoming more of a fixture.

The truth is, my baby is about to turn 15. Being nonverbal with severe autism, Lucas’s physical maturity sometimes gets lost in the shuffle of his adorable nature.

After all, so many of his loves are things that have been a part of our lives since he was toddling around my house. Sesame Street videos that most parents tire of after two years have been more of a fixture in our house than facial hair. I’ve listened to Elmo sing about music magic at least once a week since the Obama administration.

All that being said, it’s easy to see my little guy as littler than he actually is. It’s something that occurred to me this week when I asked him to “run to the potty” and wash his hands.

For the first time in a long time, I heard my own words and saw the man standing before me. I was barefoot. Lucas was in shoes. He was slightly taller than me. It was alarming.

Once you see the first crack, you start to see them all. This tall fella with facial hair had outgrown the jogging pants that were currently shellacked to his body. I knew we had to change those out before school.

The issue? Those pants would have totally fit me. And like that – poof – the hand-me-downer becomes the hand-me-downee.

And yet, here I was, still referring to the bathroom as the “potty” when talking to him. I was still telling him he needed to go “sleepies” at night.

Those thinking that this is out of necessity would be wrong. Sure, my son responds to those words and knows what they mean. He also knows the words “bathroom,” “toilet,” “bed,” “sleep,” “bedtime,” and — in an unexpected receptive language victory from the early days — “head on the pillow.”

That’s all it takes. I can say any of those things and my boy would respond. Yet I still cling to “sleepies” and “potty.”

Why? For me.

I know this because I did it with his sister too. Even neurotypical, there were certain childlike phrases that stayed in our vocabulary long past the expiration date. In fact, some of them still come out of my mouth when talking to her.

The difference? They are sometimes-words. “Potty” is something I might say to be silly or if I’m in a joking mood. It’s not the permanent word I use to refer to the bathroom with her. That’s because she’s 17 years old.

And now my son is going to be 15. The least I can do is offer him the same maturity and respect.

Now keep in mind, I’m not saying everyone needs to do this. In fact, I wouldn’t be doing this if he struggled with the alternative phrasing. If Lucas couldn’t comprehend what bedtime was, I wouldn’t take away a comfortable word that helped him understand the world.

He does, however, understand the mature wording. That was always the goal. One day he would be a teenager and I knew I had to treat him like one when that day came.

Well, here’s the day. He’s a teenager. Tall. Mustache. Outgrowing men’s medium sweatpants. This is the time we were preparing for.

Raising a non-verbal child involves taking a unique path. We can discuss the hardships and the achievements all day long. Some aspects, though, don’t fit into either. This is one of them.

Lucas will always be my baby in many ways. Sure, it’s because he’s my kid and, just like his sister, I will always look after him and protect him. It’s his approach to the world and his childlike point of view that makes him my forever baby in many ways.

There’s a natural desire to talk to him now as I did when he was tiny. After all, he acts the same at times. As a dad, I’m not always ready to let go of those days and, with his actions still harkening back to a decade ago, it’s easy to cling to the cutesy language that we’ve all gotten used to.

This isn’t about Lucas. This is about me. It’s about what’s comfortable for me, but it’s also about who he’s becoming. It’s about setting up his early life so he can become the most mature adult he can be. It’s about acknowledging that we’re on the cusp of that time. It’s about putting all our planning into action.

Will my son still let me read him bedtime stories? Sure. He always has. The only difference is that now we’ll read them before bed, rather than before it’s time “to go sleepies.”

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