There’s a reason why the posts I write about my non-verbal child are positive. The entire idea behind autism appreciation and putting our best foot forward comes from a very real place.

The darkest times I’ve ever lived through were the times when I was just finding out about my son’s diagnosis. The initial worries that came from having a baby showing delays in sitting and rolling were in full swing just as we were on the verge of answers.

At first, I was apprehensive to even say “autism” out loud. Whether I thought that voicing my concerns would make them come true or if it was just one final hope that I was simply overreacting, it was better to keep my fears to myself.

When I was alone, though, I thought about it a lot. I rehashed his actions throughout the day and wondered how long was too long to wait for a first word. I’d Google myself into a place of panic.

What I found wasn’t heartwarming. The medical sites were one thing but some parenting blogs made me feel ten times worse. There was pain and loss, as I’d read about children “locked away with no way to communicate.” I sat through tearful imagined scenarios from autism moms as they envisioned putting their children into a home. It tore my heart out when I could least afford to.

So, that’s it. I was doomed. Here we were with this giggling little boy who seemed like so much fun if only we could put his ever-growing list of missed milestones away. One of the people I loved the most on Earth was causing me some of the worst stress. According to all I was reading, it was only going to get worse.

Good news – it didn’t. If you’re in that boat and reading this now, I want you to know that it didn’t get worse. All the things I worried about…well, actually a lot of them came true.

Lucas doesn’t speak. He has never said a first word deliberately. His life skills are well below his age and he requires lots of one-on-one assistance. This will almost definitely exist into adulthood. Those fears came true. All of them.

Yet, we’re fine. In fact, as a family, we’re more than fine. We’re great. Everything is what it is and not only did it not destroy the bond I have with my son, it made it stronger.

With love in your home, things will always be great, even when they’re not. Most of those early imagined possibilities may be realities today, but that’s not all there is to our lives today. We’re a bigger story than just that.

There’s Lucas, who is unlike anyone else I’ve ever met. Different than your kid, whether your kid is on the spectrum or not, he’s unique, loving, and a constant reminder that I hold value to someone. He makes me feel important and loved.

Does that mean everything is happy all the time? No. That would be insane. This isn’t Willy Wonka. Even then, kids were turned into blueberries. Life is a gamble. Get on the gondola, Grandpa.

We use words like superpowers and autism warriors but make no mistake. Autism parenting is still parenting. Like any kid, there is no all good or all bad. Life is a mix of both. I am lucky to say that, with both of my children, it is more good than bad. But still, hard times exist.

For every thoughtful Christmas present my daughter buys me, there’s a late-night car ride or eight million dollar water bottle she needs The looks of adornment are contrasted with the eye-rolls, and we find ourselves on a delicately positive balance.

The same can be said for her non-verbal little brother. Lucas is easily one of the best people I have ever known. I get kisses for no reason and applause in the morning. The love he shows me now is not the same love another boy, on the cusp of his teens, would show his dad. I am eternally grateful for that.

Another 12-year-old boy would also not try to get his father’s attention by throwing large items from his room into the hallway at three in the morning. He wouldn’t grab a sandwich, in the process of being prepared, and shove it into his mouth whole. He also might not lie on the floor when the bus is waiting to take him to school.

My guy does those things too.

Still, when he does his scutchy things, it’s like when his sister does her scutchy things. I get annoyed, but I know it’s not a sign of who she is as a person. It’s how girls like her act out when they are being a scutch.

The same can be said for Lucas. This is who he is. When he does something naughty that veers from the norms we usually expect from kids, I don’t lament over his autism. I see it as him being a kid, in the ways he knows how.

Procrastination, impatience, and lack of consideration aren’t unique to my son. The ways he goes about demonstrating them might be. But that comes with the territory. That’s what being a parent is.

That’s the takeaway from all of this. Life raising a special needs child is so much the same as raising another child, but also so different. The motivations might be the same, but the ways they play out can sometimes be surprising.

The sky never came falling as I feared in those early years. Raising a child like Lucas is the same as raising any child you love. No matter the challenges or triumphs, if you love them, you get it done. They sense it, they feel it, and they work just as hard. Autism or not, that’s what parenting is all about.