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The world knows all the things my son can’t do. They know from seeing us in public, reading the stories I tell here, and just general knowledge of non-verbal severe autism. It’s splashed all over the front pages. There’s enough information out there about what a boy like him struggles with.

It’s why I talk about him as I do.

I’m sure many are nodding and thinking, “That’s right. You tell them about the things he can do.”

No. Not really.

I mean, sometimes the story is about an achievement or milestone. But by and large, the things I write about are less about what Lucas does and more about who Lucas is.

Yup. Load up the DJ because I’m spinning that record again. It’s the one where I tell you that my son isn’t mean or deceitful. He doesn’t have an ego and is unapologetically himself. Quite simple put, my boy has the purest soul I’ve ever seen.

That’s who Lucas is. That’s what you wish your kid was and, before I had kids, it’s what I wished too. Luckily, I went 2-0 and ended up scoring two wonderful children.

What about all the things that Lucas doesn’t do? I know there is a line of people ready to ask that very question. It seems to be on everyone’s mind.

I don’t know. I don’t really think about them.

Don’t get me wrong. When he was little and all the kids were doing major life skills things, those were what I noticed. When I realized he wasn’t talking when other kids were, it hit hard. When I realized he wasn’t advancing at the same rate, it made me sad. I’m not a robot. I get the sentiment.

That, however, was ten years ago. I was still worried about what his future would look like. I imagined a boy, unable to speak, going to a special needs school with eyes towards assistance for the rest of his life. I imagined that boy locked away from us due to a lack of communication, miserable always, because I could never reach him.

Today, Lucas is a boy who is unable to speak and is going to a special needs school with an eye towards assistance for the rest of his life.

He’s also the most joyous and lively kid you’ve ever known. He and I share a bond that I can barely explain, and I am the one living it. I could only imagine how hard it is for others to understand. That’s why I write about it.

Lucas isn’t locked away. He’s not sad. He doesn’t care if you accept him or are aware of him. He doesn’t even know what autism is or care for social pleasantries. He doesn’t register hurtful people or care about anyone’s comments. He will forgo more heartache than most boys his age and finds love in life every day. My son dances to the beat of an amazing drummer – himself.

But… he’s not on a team or in a school play or going to prom or all the other stuff. Isn’t that the most painful thing a parent can experience?

Uh, no.

Honestly, there are times that I briefly imagine what it would be like to have Lucas do those things. When he was little, again, it was harder. The picture was in the future. The teenager I saw was one that he hadn’t become yet. That image could be him.

Now, the picture is today. This is my boy. To create an image of an alternate Lucas kissing all the girls and making them cry like a little Don Juan Demarco is sweet, but it’s also not Lucas. It’s another kid who never arrived. It’s a kid I don’t know and, if we’re being honest…

That imaginary kid is kind of a tool.

Lucas isn’t that kid. This is who he is. I love who he is, and I don’t want another Lucas. Just him.

For those thinking this is just sour grapes and an attempt to make myself feel better, I offer a piece of proof. My daughter, as I mentioned, is neurotypical. She plays tennis and participates in extracurricular activities. She does a lot of things that my grinning little man isn’t interested in.

When she succeeds at all of her ventures, I’m always proud. Jobs, licenses, awards – it’s three cheers for my girl.

And if she didn’t do any of those things, I’d love her just the same. I mean, none of those accomplishments are why I love my daughter. What parent could say otherwise?

I love her for the person she is and the way she treats others. Just like my son, the same holds true for both.

I don’t love my kids for the things they can or can’t do. I love them for who they are.

For my son, autism is a piece of his personality that affects him in profound ways. Some have their advantages over others. Some make him a challenge at times. Some make him the perfect boy I know.

Autism awareness? Yes. I’m aware. Autism Acceptance? Yup. Long ago. Autism Appreciation? Every day.