One of the parental things you don’t learn until you’re an actual parent is how getting out of the car is a massive undertaking. I’m holding my phone and keys in one hand while balancing my kid’s schoolbag, removed shoes, communication devices, random bags from the supermarket, and empty drink cans from my cupholder. It’s a delicate balance to make it through the garage and into the kitchen door.

For years, I would always unbuckle my son and then rush ahead to open the door for him. After all, Lucas is still my baby and even though he’s getting older, the fact that he’s non-verbal with autism causes me to do things for him often.

Lately, I stopped doing this particular service. The main reason why is that I now know that he can open the doors in our house. For the past few years, whenever Lucas’s in-home therapist would leave, I would have him walk her to the door, open it up, and see her out. He’s my little gentleman. We hold open the door for our guests.

So, allowing him to scurry ahead is part of the program now. Lucas can go and walk into the kitchen on his own. I’ll catch up. After all, I have a ton of stuff to gather. Most days, there are wayward pieces of Goldfish crackers to grab from the backseat as I swear, “No more food in the Jeep!”

A funny thing happened, though, during this new approach to driveway homecomings. Not only was my boy running up and letting himself in, but he was standing there…holding the door for me.

This is a huge deal. The first time he did it, I couldn’t believe it. Since that day, he’s done it every single time.

I know what most people are thinking. This is a story of how I taught him to be courteous. You’re going to read about how we painstakingly worked on door etiquette. You will marvel at my fathering and the end of this post will feature a bevy of comments from people congratulating me. Many of them will mistakenly call me “a great momma.”

This isn’t that story. You know why? I didn’t teach him this.

I mean it. There were no open-door lessons. I didn’t expect him to comprehend this obligation. I never showed him how to hold the door open and, to be honest, I’m not sure how I would even if I wanted to.

At this point, you’re probably thinking, “Oh! This is one of those posts about how he didn’t show him how to do it directly but rather tried to teach him in a roundabout way.” I must have done this all covertly so that he could pick it up on his own. By the end, you’ll still be congratulating me. After all, it’s my skills as a father and a teacher that brought my boy this important lesson. Let’s hear it for under-the-radar lessons.

Again, though, not what happened.

I never taught Lucas this skill. Even crazier, I never even tried to teach him this skill. I didn’t realize I was doing it or that he was noticing it.

Essentially, we’d roll into my home and I’d either park in the driveway or the garage itself. From there, we’d head through the kitchen entrance, and I would just hold the door open for him. As is often the case, he would come careening in and barely notice that I was waiting. No acknowledgment. No thank you. Nothing. He just went inside and either ran to the bathroom or the Pirate Booty, depending on his mood.

The irony? He was noticing. He saw that the first person into the house held the door. He never demonstrated that he realized what was happening, but he did. He knew the whole time.

There are so many lessons to unpack here. As a parent to a boy like mine or even a parent in general, teaching our kids the right way to do things isn’t always a calculated effort. We don’t always need flowcharts, Smartsheets, and Powerpoint presentations. Sometimes our children pick up right from wrong just by watching us…even when we don’t think they are.

They’re always watching.

To those unfamiliar with my son and the Autism Appreciation that he generates within our family, Lucas might seem a bit oblivious at times. Focused on the things that the loves, my little man doesn’t always respond to the actions around him. It’s hard to tell what lands and what doesn’t in terms of his response.

Things I go out of my way to teach him sort of hang in the air for a while until he adopts them. He didn’t take me by the hand to come sit with him…until the day he did. He didn’t eat nicely with a fork…until the day he did. He didn’t come over and kiss me on the cheek…until the day he did. With my son, you don’t get advanced notice of what skills he picked up…until the day he decides to show you.

In all those cases, though, I tried to show him these skills. I repeated actions and demonstrated why they were important, all with the hope that he would do them on his own. There was an endgame.

When it came to holding the door, there was no endgame. I simply did it over and over again just to get us into the house as quickly as possible. He did it was all on his own. While I technically taught him, I didn’t knowingly teach him. He did it himself by paying attention to and observing my example.

Knowing that should be enough to make any parent operate on their best behavior. You never know what these kids are going to pick up. If my actions are what my son draws inspiration from, then the fact that he’s watching is enough to make me the best I can be.

Follow me, kid. You never know what doors it will open in life.