Skip to content
Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
I'm James Guttman, father of two children. One non-verbal with autism and one non stop verbal with attitude. New Posts: Every Monday and Wednesday
  • Official Store
  • Home
    • Tag: Autism
    • Tag: Humor
    • Tag: Parenting
    • Tag: Mental Health
    • JG on Autism Speaks
    • JG on The Mighty
    • JG on Love What Matters
  • JG Bio
  • Hi Pod! Podcast
  • JG On Amazon
  • Contact
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • RSS
autism, Parenting
by James GuttmanMarch 2, 20227:47 amMarch 1, 2022

My Son With Autism Might Hate Your Party, But Please Invite Us Anyway

When we first pull up, I always feel a bit of a tinge in the pit of my stomach. My son is dressed like a little man and it’s pretty adorable. His husky ten-year-old frame, stuffed into dressed slacks might not say much, since he’s non-verbal, but his face can tell me a story. I examine it to see if he’s agitated, happy, or ready to dart away. It tells me everything I might need to know about whether this party could be “too much” for him.

Lucas has autism. It’s part of who he is. He struggles with impulse control, motor skills, and many interactions. Even when he’s happy, his jumping, screeching, and clapping can be jarring to some. It makes for some gut-wrenching moments before we enter a social setting.

There have been some disasters. I’m sure it’s easy to picture and you’ve probably witnessed some yourself if you have a boy like mine or know someone who does. I’m not sure how others view it, but I know how I do.

It breaks my heart for him. When he was younger, there were times when he greatly battled his desire to grab food wherever he found it. We’d go to Thanksgiving and the hosts would have a plate of dip on an end table for chips. My son would lunge for it, with me holding his arm back to stop him. It would work for a brief period but, as soon as I became too comfortable and diverted by gaze, he’d be airborne.

As he dove through the air, I’d watch in horror when he crashed into the tray, knocking things to the ground and stuffing his hand into the bowl. He’d shove potato chips into his mouth and collapse on the floor, surrounded by debris, and crying.

It killed me. Even now, writing it out and remembering it, it kills me.

Others there might not see it that way. I’m sure some people were annoyed and others felt pity. They saw the worst side of a boy in public who saved some of his most wonderful moments for us in private at home. I felt he was misrepresented. I worried he was misunderstood. But most of all, I knew he was upset and didn’t want to feel the way he was feeling at that moment. All I wanted to do was scoop him up, hug him tight, and disappear into the air.

As the years have gone by, Lucas is better with food. He doesn’t lunge or fight for it, but he asks constantly. If there are bowls of chips, he will request over and over for more until he’s eaten more than he should. If stopped, he will become upset. It can be difficult.

celebration

There are events he can’t sit through without making noise or social settings that we, as grown ups, know any kid would be bored of. In Lucas’s case, his boredom can’t be washed away. I can’t bribe him with promises of candy. I can’t give him a speech about “being a big boy”. I can’t do much of anything except manage his agitation in the moment or perhaps remove him from the room altogether, forcing me to miss some major moments from outside in the hallway.

It sounds terrible, right? One of the two people I want to be around the most at happy occasions seemingly can’t “handle” happy occasions. Babysitting notwithstanding, why don’t we just leave him home?

We don’t because of days like the block party he went to last year. Sure, he ate more than his share, but he was more social and excited than I have ever seen. He tapped on the piano. He played with a dog. He walked up and down the street. It was a memory that I nearly missed because I tried to drive away after dropping off my daughter. It was the host who said, “Why don’t you let him try?”

So, I did. He loved it.

Being a special needs parent requires patience. That’s a given. Everyone talks about it. However, it also requires something else – leaps of faith.

nonverbal son autism be kid

As Lucas’s dad, I need to ignore our failures from last year and try again this year. A party he hated in 2021 might be one that he loves in 2022. He’s a kid and kids evolve. Issues change and skills emerge. When it comes to parties and social settings, the only way to know is to test it. The key to everything is repetition.

Will he always struggle with social events? A part of me thinks, “Yeah. Probably.” He might never be the party animal host with the most. There may never be lampshades on his head or neckties as headbands as he leads a conga line. I know that. I’m OK with that.

But like any other skills he learns, there may come a time when he’s ready to follow some social norms that are required at these events. He might be able to sit and present himself in the best possible light to those around him. Hell, he might even like it and enjoy being out. That could happen. He’s made more unexpected transitions than that. Surprise and pride are no strangers to me as it relates to my boy.

There’s only one way to find out and that’s to try whenever we can. Things might be bad and we might have to leave early, but they might not be and we might stay. If you, the host, are willing to let us take that risk, we’re ready to take it. Whatever happens, I know he will try his best. He always does.

READ NEXT:

THE BOY IN MY SON’S WINDOW


Share this:

  • Tweet

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related

Tagged with: autism autism acceptance autism awareness autism parenting autism party autism sibling autism social dad daughter father life lessons non-verbal non-verbal child Parenting son special needs special needs sibling

James Guttman

All posts

Father of two children - one non-verbal with autism, one verbal without.

  • Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

iThere are no comments

Add yours

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Enter a Keyword

I’m James Guttman, father of two children – one non verbal with autism and nonstop verbal without autism.

Hot Posts From Hi Blog!

  • Fear Over My Special Needs Son's Inappropriate Behaviors As He Grows
    Fear Over My Special Needs Son's Inappropriate Behaviors As He Grows
  • 7 Things My Non-Verbal Son With Autism Loves
    7 Things My Non-Verbal Son With Autism Loves
  • The Truth About Taking My Son To Sesame Street
    The Truth About Taking My Son To Sesame Street
  • People's Reactions When They Learn My Son Has Autism
    People's Reactions When They Learn My Son Has Autism
  • Does He Know It's His Birthday?
    Does He Know It's His Birthday?
  • My Non-Verbal Son Is getting Older And That No Longer Scares Me
    My Non-Verbal Son Is getting Older And That No Longer Scares Me
  • School Gave My Kids Freakin' Chromebooks
    School Gave My Kids Freakin' Chromebooks
  • My Son Was Wearing Pants When We Got Here
    My Son Was Wearing Pants When We Got Here
  • Why My Non-Verbal Son's Smile Is So Important
    Why My Non-Verbal Son's Smile Is So Important
  • No Pity Party Parenting For My Special Needs Child
    No Pity Party Parenting For My Special Needs Child

Join 544 other subscribers

Past Blog Posts

top
james-guttman-2017-awards-150x150

Acorns

Tags

Anxiety asd autism autism acceptance autism appreciation autism awareness autism community autism dad autism diagnosis autism parent autism parenting autism parenting advice Autism Spectrum autism support autism tips autistic children dad dad blog dad blogger daughter developmental disabilities family family blog family life Family Time father father blog father blogger fatherhood growing up humor kids learning life life lessons love memories milestones non-verbal non-verbal autism non-verbal child nonverbal nonverbal autism nonverbal child nonverbal communication parent parent blog parenthood Parenting parenting advice parenting blog parenting tips parents positive positive attitude positivity raising children raising kids relationships school son special ed special education special needs special needs child special needs parent special needs parenting special needs parenting advice special needs parents special needs sibling spectrum Speech wholesome worry

Previous 150 Posts:

  • 7 Things My Non-Verbal Son With Autism Loves
  • Fear Over My Special Needs Son’s Inappropriate Behaviors As He Grows
  • My Non-Verbal Son Knows My Truest Self
  • When My Kids Demand I Serve Them
  • Teaching Lessons My Child With Autism Understands
  • The Horror Of A Quiet House For a Special Needs Parent
  • I’m Ready To Talk About My Catastrophic December
  • Why I Feared Being A Special Needs Parent
  • Teaching Love To My Non-Verbal Son
  • 5 Life Lessons I Learned From Raising My Non-Verbal Son
  • Why I Don’t Complain About Special Needs Parenting
  • Special Needs, Needless Blame
  • My Non-Verbal Son Follows Me Around The House
  • My Elf On The Shelf Went Crazy This Year
  • Autism Toys That My Kid With Autism Doesn’t Want
  • Ten Years After My Quintuple Bypass
  • When I Worried My Child Might Have Autism
  • I Constantly Speak To My Non-Verbal Son
  • My Non-Verbal Son’s First Words
  • Attending The Autism Friendly Nutcracker Show At The Lincoln Center
  • Why I’m Hovering Near My Special Needs Child
  • A Special Needs Parent’s Roughest Mornings
  • The Kid Song Soundtrack Of My Life
  • Understanding (Not Assuming) What My Non-Verbal Son Wants
  • Those Who Can’t Understand A Special Needs Parent’s Struggles
  • Special Needs Parenting’s Small Victories
  • Parents Reach A New Level Of Tired
  • What Autism Means In Our House
  • My Non-Verbal Son Is Allowed To Have Bad Days Too
  • A Baby Girl Lived In My House…And Then I Blinked
  • Farewell To Fair-Weather Family
  • Helping My Non-Verbal Son Communicate His Wants
  • Accepting That My Non-Verbal Son Might Never Speak
  • Finding Love, Family, And Happiness During My Hardest Times
  • When My Giant Non-Verbal Son Refuses To Move
  • All-Nighters With My Special Needs Child
  • When I Was Done Crying About My Special Needs Son
  • Apologies From Her Non-Verbal Brother
  • The Only People Who Made Me My Best Self
  • Something I Had To Accept As A Special Needs Parent
  • Weird Things I Buy, Name, And Put In My House
  • I Stopped Watching My Special Needs Child For Just One Minute
  • I Can’t Allow My Son With Autism To Push His Way Through Life
  • 5 Misconceptions About My Child’s Autism
  • My Non-Verbal Son With Autism Taught Me The Meaning Of “OK”
  • Sorry I’m Not Stressed Over Whatever You’re Freaking Out About
  • How Do I Trust My Non-Verbal Son To A World I Don’t Often Trust?
  • “U Pay Me”: Chores, Allowance, And Texts From My Daughter
  • Being Healthy For My Kids (Not For Me)
  • When People Commend My Patience As A Special Needs Dad
  • Girl Dad
  • Why I Sometimes Baby My Eleven-Year-Old Special Needs Son (And Always Will)
  • When Other Kids Started Talking, But Mine Didn’t
  • Overcoming Childhood Abuse To Become A Good Parent
  • The Things My Kid Has Put In His Mouth
  • Remembering How Strangers See My Non-Verbal Son With Autism
  • I’m Sorry My Son Drank Your Coffee
  • Overcoming The Fear Of having A Non-Verbal Child With Autism
  • People’s Reactions When They Learn My Son Has Autism
  • 45 Pieces Of Dad Advice For The Children
  • Making Sure My Non-Verbal Son Knows He’s Understood
  • My Special Needs Child Doesn’t Need To Become Anything
  • Knowing What My Special Needs Child Is Capable Of
  • Why My Non-Verbal Son’s Smile Is So Important
  • My Daughter Rips Off Doorknobs And Other Ways The House Gets Destroyed
  • Receptive Language And The Things I Didn’t Realize My Non-Verbal Son Knows
  • A Single Dad’s Secret To Raising A Teenage Daughter
  • My Non-Verbal Son Hated Our Fun Outing, But I Don’t Regret Going
  • I’m Still Writing My Happily Ever After
  • Some Days, My Special Needs Son And I Do Nothing…And that’s OK
  • Finding My Non-Verbal Son’s Happiest Place
  • Crazy Kid Stories Every Parent Can Relate To
  • When My Non-Verbal Son’s Favorite Thing Becomes His Worst Thing
  • Revisiting Summer Fun For My Non-Verbal Son With Autism
  • Making Sure My Special Needs Child Lives His Best Life
  • It’s Easy Because I Know They Love Me
  • When My Non-Verbal Son Is Naughty, Not Confused
  • Being An Advocate, Not A Victim
  • Finding Strength During Life’s Hardest Moments
  • Hidden Truth Behind The Phases My Non-Verbal Child Goes Through
  • Why I Give My Special Needs Son Everything, Even If He Doesn’t “Care”
  • The Real Reason I Don’t Want My Non-Verbal Son Melting Down In Public
  • How I Live After Nearly Dying
  • When You’re First To Spot Autism’s Early Signs
  • When People Don’t Say “Hello” To My Non-Verbal Child
  • My Child’s Autism Diagnosis: Fear Vs Reality
  • 7 Ways Autism Affects Our Family
  • Why I Had My Child Tested For Autism
  • When Just Being A Person Is Harder Than Being A Parent
  • Letting The Bullies Get To You
  • When Optimism For My Special Needs Child Clashes With Reality
  • The Secret To “Handling” My Child’s Autism
  • Teaching My Non-Verbal Son That His Sister’s There For Him Too
  • My Non-Verbal Son Is getting Older And That No Longer Scares Me
  • Divorced Dad On “Staying Together For The Kids”
  • My Son With Autism Might Hate Your Party, But Please Invite Us Anyway
  • No Pity Party Parenting For My Special Needs Child
  • My Non-Verbal Son Needs Me, But I Need Him More
  • Why Does My Child Have Autism?
  • Accepting My Son’s Nonverbal Autism Through Humor And Honesty
  • When My Special Needs Child Regresses
  • Being Old Is Not An Insult
  • My Non-Verbal Son Got Me Sick And It Impressed Me
  • My Son Lucas
  • JG’s Quintuple Bypass Insanity
  • Shocking Things People Say To Special Needs Parents
  • It’s Important My Teenage Daughter Thinks I’m Cool
  • How My Child With Autism Stopped Hating Haircuts
  • I Fell Under A Train When I Was Eight Years Old
  • Moments That Make A Special Needs Parent Question Everything
  • Can’t Hurt Them, Can’t Hurt Me
  • Yes, My Child With Autism Has A Sense Of Humor
  • Being Okay With Not Being Okay
  • When My Child With Autism Has Trouble Transitioning
  • And Now, The Year After
  • Sometimes His Sister Knows Best
  • Planning An Autism Inclusive Christmas
  • Making Great Memories Outside His Comfort Zone
  • My Special Needs Son Is A Snazzy Dresser
  • My Special Needs Son Isn’t Why I’m Late, But He’s Why I Might Leave Early
  • Giving Directions When You’re Lost
  • Does My Non-Verbal Child Know About Santa Claus?
  • My Kids Are Over Elf On A Shelf, Yet He Keeps Coming
  • Letting My Non-Verbal Son With Autism Be A Kid
  • Rewatching My Special Needs Son’s Baby Videos
  • People Will…
  • The Year Santa Gave Me Coal For Christmas
  • My Non-Verbal Son Doesn’t Like When I Parent (Like Most Kids)
  • The First Time We Celebrated My Son’s Autism
  • My Son’s Autism Diagnosis Came With Important Words
  • When Special Needs Parents Can’t Be Defensive
  • His Toy’s Batteries Died, But My Son Couldn’t Tell Me
  • False Assumptions About Special Needs Families
  • Making Corrections To My Non-Verbal Son’s Life Skills
  • Finding Out My Son Needed Special Education
  • How We Heal Our Broken Hearts
  • What Will The World Say About My Special Needs Child?
  • Entering The World Of My Child With Autism
  • Times My Gross Kids Sneezed On People
  • Normalize Involved Dads
  • My Non-Verbal Child Is Living A Life I Never Expected
  • Assuming The Worst About Our Kids
  • Learning To Celebrate Our Victories
  • Raising A Great Special Needs Sibling
  • Silly Stories & Looney Lullabies: Making Bedtime Our Own
  • Doing The Things My Non-Verbal Son Didn’t Ask For
  • The Price For Back To School Freedom
  • There’s No Such Thing As “Typical Autism”
  • Both My Kids Do Chores
  • My Non-Verbal Son Bruised His Own Nose, I Swear

Translate This Page:

Blog at WordPress.com.

Begin typing your search above and press return to search. Press Esc to cancel.

  • Follow Following
    • Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
    • Join 182 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Hi Blog! I'm Dad.
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Copy shortlink
    • Report this content
    • View post in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

You must be logged in to post a comment.

    %d bloggers like this: