A few years ago, I wrote an article called “My Special Needs Son is a Snazzy Dresser,” where I shared whimsical stories about dressing Lucas in boots and rock t-shirts. It featured some of my favorite photos of him, and the most asked question was…

How do you get him to wear jeans?

These questions came from fellow special needs parents whose children refused to wear any form of dungarees. They saw my post as a window into how to make that happen. Perhaps a checklist to follow? Something, anything.

I know that feeling, and I’ll explain why in a second. But first, let me give you what you’re here for. It might come off as let down with a twist at the end, though. Ready?

Those weren’t jeans.

They were sweatpants that looked like jeans, and for years, they were my favorite thing for him. He always looked cool, and pulling them up was a cinch.

That said, Lucas would totally wear jeans if I wanted him to. In fact, he did.

Why the joggers? Well, back then, my boy was built like baby Santa Claus, and his jolly bowl of jelly belly would hang over his waistline. The only way to get him into jeans was by standing behind him, reaching under his tummy, and pulling the button shut like I was giving him the Heimlich Maneuver. Every time I did it, I felt like I was causing long-term psychological damage to both of us.

Still, he’d wear them. And here’s the thing about Lucas that makes those questions from other parents hard to answer – he doesn’t care about clothes at all.

Textural issues (aside from an oral fixation for long sleeves) aren’t really a thing for him. We’ve had maybe two shiny shirts he’s rejected in his life, but otherwise, he’ll wear a burlap sack. Other parents tell me I’m lucky, and I get it. If they ask about jeans, their kids probably have a tough time with clothes, which can’t be easy.

But it’s not all smooth sailing. Let me explain.

When Lucas was little and we were dealing with potty training, the most common advice was to take off the diaper and let him wear underwear. When he pees, he’ll feel uncomfortable and learn to use the toilet, right?

Problem? Like I said, Lucas doesn’t care about that stuff. He doesn’t pull on his clothes if they get wet or care if there’s dirt on his hands as he eats snacks. You can literally dump a birthday cake down this kid’s pants. He’ll do jumping jacks before taking a nap.

That’s my son. That’s who he is. And that’s why so much special needs parenting advice doesn’t apply to everyone.

I’ve known this for years. Guides on teaching him to talk, brush his teeth, or spell never seemed to fit because they applied to the child of the person writing them, not mine. His unique nature required unique solutions.

I love sharing stories about Lucas and the beauty in our life with him. But I’m no expert in special needs parenting. I’m an expert in my son. What I share is more about how I see him and the good qualities people often overlook.

So if my stories help you, great. If not, that’s okay too. It’s not about failure. I’ve been there, trying advice that didn’t work and feeling frustrated. But I learned that the best path forward is figuring out what works for your child.

Good luck. It’s not easy, and there’s still plenty I hope Lucas will learn. But we’ve got time. There’s no magic solution—just patience and understanding. With that, you can accomplish anything, eventually.