I’ve always been surprised by some of the misconceptions people have about autism. As the father of a nonverbal 13-year-old, I’ve learned that much of what I learned had to be unlearned when raising my son.

Whether it’s eye contact, hugging, kissing, or laughing at funny moments, my son marches to his own drum. None of these behaviors, which television taught me were outside the capabilities of someone on the spectrum, are absent in my son’s personality. He does them all.

The same can be said for routines. Getting ourselves into a groove helps keep things on track and lets Lucas know what to expect next. It isn’t, however, something that causes a meltdown if we veer off course.

For instance, every morning for school, I get him up and let him take a bath. It’s become our go-to and Lucas knows that as soon as he’s up and ready, he goes right in to start his day. It’s just how we do things on weekdays.

However, once Saturday or Sunday hit, we don’t. He doesn’t seem to understand the concept of days, so he often stops at the tub expecting me to run a bath. When I tell him not to worry about it, he turns and walks out. We’re off to go eat breakfast. While he expected to jump in the tub, he didn’t let the delayed bathing bother him.

That’s the gist of my son’s relationship with routine. He does whatever comes next because he expects it, but he’s not deadset on doing it. Call it off and he’s fine.

And that’s when I discovered a prime reason he’s such a little chub ball.

A few weeks ago, I came to an epiphany. Is this kid overeating out of habit? Chewing for Lucas, in my observations, has always been more sensory than anything. Whether a cookie or his sleeve, he likes noshing things in his teeth. It started to feel like that was the reason he was always ate whatever he was presented and kept asking for more.

Honestly, I don’t know if he understands how to register when he’s full. I’ve wondered about it for a while.

So, while breakfast is still the start of every day, I decided to only offer snacks or meals when Lucas requests them. Rather than putting him on a schedule with lunch at noon and dinner at 5, I’d wait it out. If he wants it, he gets it. The answer is always yes, as long as he asks.

Many times he’s done just that. Lucas will take your hand and lead you to the kitchen to show you what he’s craving. He’s done it with his device too. He knows where it is. He knows when he wants it.

For so long, a return from school was always met with some sort of snack followed by an evening dinner. It just became what we did and he anticipated it. He’d walk in, sit at the table, and await his serving. I’d bring it over and he’d stuff his squishable face with it.

The day that I stopped, I expected him to be upset, but he wasn’t. Rather, Lucas was so enamored with his YouTube iPad, which he had been separated from during his during his long school day, that he didn’t care when no food came to the table. Instead, he stood up, took his cup of water, and went downstairs to play. He asked for nothing.

And that’s been the way we’ve been doing it for a while now. Even crazier? Sometimes he doesn’t even ask for dinner. That happened last week. Straight home from school, he wobbled off to play and never again wanted to eat until the next morning. He ended up falling asleep at 7 with his iPad still in his hand.

I was worried that this was going to lead to an insatiable morning. His signature Eggo French Toast Sticks were waiting when we came downstairs. I thought he’d devour them and eat the plate too.

He didn’t even finish them. I kid you not.

That’s when I realized it. I had been overstuffing this little fella. I felt like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.

As a divorced dad with split custody, I can only handle the food intake on my side, but I’ve long suspected this was the case in all aspects of his life. Lucas doesn’t eat out of hunger necessarily, He eats out of routine, boredom, and convenience.

How do I know? Well, my home has three floors. The kitchen is on the main, our den is in the basement, and the bedrooms are upstairs. There is no reason for him to be near the kitchen unless he’s eating.

Having lived through three houses with this kid, I know how that behavior changes when the food is near his hangout spot. I remember him ripping open the refrigerator non-stop in between videos or running to the pantry in the middle of the night. When it’s in his face, it’s a reminder that he likes to chew. So he goes to where the food is. To those who don’t know, you’d think he was constantly starving.

But, out of sight, though, and out of mind. In my home now, he barely wants additional food. It’s a complete 180 from who I thought he was and, as he gets older, a real reminder that my understanding of him is always evolving.

I used to marvel at how he would devour a huge dinner and then beg for chips and cookies. I couldn’t understand why he was still hungry, but I think it was just became a pattern. Constant feeding feeds his constant need for food. It was a vicious cycle lined with cheese sticks and pizza rolls.

Lucas couldn’t reason that he had eaten an enormous lunch that day and didn’t need an equally enormous dinner. He just knew that I placed food in front of him and it was going into his face. Take away that set-to-a-time feeding and, with it, so went his appetite. I’ve come to realize that he doesn’t need nearly as much as I thought. He’s not underfed, but he’s not being overfed here either. He’s just being fed.

Every day with Lucas teaches me a bit more about what he really needs…or doesn’t. It’s not just about tweaking his diet or changing up our schedule. It’s about understanding him on his terms, finding that sweet spot where he’s not just growing, but thriving. As we move forward, it’s less about cracking codes and more about tuning in to his unique rhythm, making sure his growth is healthy in every sense.