Does My Son With Autism Care About These Trips? That’s Not The Point

I once had someone ask me what the point was of taking my non-verbal son to places he doesn’t care about or buying him presents he might not want.

My response, at the time, was simple.

Well, it’s not necessarily done just because he likes it or wants them. It’s not just for him.

The reply, from a person who should have known better, still turns my stomach to this day.

“Oh, so you have to pretend?”

No. Pretending was what I had to do after hearing that to not come off as utterly disgusted.

What made those words so hard to digest was that, especially when he was little, it felt that way at times. In our brightest moments, I had the darkest voice in my head repeating those words. In some cases, through the years, that voice was echoed by company I brought along the way.

Think about it. Getting Lucas up and out of the house was a chore. In many ways, it can still be. Between the washing, brushing, dressing, and transition issues, bringing my little fella anywhere was a tall order.

In the case of doctor visits and school functions, the trip was unavoidable. Ten-minute runs out the door become hours of chaos when you have a confused child fighting you every step of the way.

So doing all that to bring him to an adventure park that he eventually hates can feel almost absurd. If Lucas is content at home, why not keep him there? We can spend all our Saturdays in the house. He’d be happy and I could use the extra sleep.

Why?

Because it’s not just for him.

Rarely, if ever, do I say something to all parents of children on the spectrum, but this is one of those times when I will. It’s important.

Take your neurodivergent kid to fun places. Give them opportunities to experience things outside their comfort zone when you can. Sometimes they’ll like it. Sometimes they won’t. Either way, there can be value in trying.

Sure, I can load this article up with stories of activities that he fought me to attend and then loved. I can show pictures of him bowling, swimming, and sitting among friends. I can make this all about how you never know what your kid will love until you do it.

But that would be easy. Also, I’ve done that before.

That message is a strong one and it’s one I will almost definitely write about again. This isn’t about that.

This is about our past weekend. It’s about taking my son to a place that I’ve taken him (and his sister) to before.

We went to the Lindenhurst Docks.

Like Pat Benatar and the dad from The Wonder Years, I grew up in Lindy. Once a Bulldog, always a Bulldog, the town still pulls me back.

Growth creates nostalgia and absence makes the heart grow fonder. So the years since I moved have made me long for the days gone by. I want to see the sights again.

More importantly, I want my son to see them.

The problem? Lucas is barely excited about activities that he loves. Taking him to see Dad’s old stomping grounds feels like something that even a neurotypical kid would yawn over.

Luckily, Lucas has gotten used to our trips and knows that nothing lasts forever, like cold November rain. If he comes along and takes a few pictures, I’ll be happy. I spent years getting that message across.

Because of that, I’m able to take him to all the familiar places. Whether it’s the docks where I would literally spend all night with my best of friends, the local baseball park, or even driving by my childhood home with a finger pointed out the window, my little man comes along for the ride.

Does he care? I don’t know. I don’t think so.

Still, he’s more accommodating than a kid with plenty of words to speak. His patience with me is only matched by my patience with him. We both appreciate each other for it.

Is this pretending? Am I bringing him there because I want to convince myself that my kid loves seeing where his dad grew up?

No.

I bring him there because I want to show my son these places. He’s my son. He’s the only one I have.

So, because he can’t make conversation about it, I shouldn’t have this experience? As a parent, I should forgo this thing I want to do just because my kid would rather stay home? How is that fair?

Lucas is my son with autism, but he’s ultimately my son. I want to share these things with him. Showing your child where you come from is a wonderful thing that parents get to do.

Why shouldn’t I?

So we went. To be honest, we go back every month or two to walk around and take pictures. And, if I’m being honest, he doesn’t seem hate it.

Maybe he loves the nautical backdrop and walks through nature. Maybe he loves getting to drive around with his dad. Maybe he appeases me.

Who knows?

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.

This place is special to me and Lucas is special to me. That’s why I want to share it with him.

Maybe someday I’ll find out these trips meant more to him than I realized. Maybe I won’t. Maybe the Lindenhurst Docks will never mean anything to him beyond another place Dad made him get out of the car and take some pictures.

That’s OK, too.

I’m not pretending these places matter to Lucas.

I’m showing them to him because Lucas matters to me.

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